Thursday, August 27, 2009
Discursive thoughts be damned!
I'm still struggling with Block#2. If it's not the dwindling supply of blackberries calling me into my garden, it's the newly ripening raspberries. Did you know that raspberries literally tip their boughs toward you when they need to be relieved of their fruit? Seriously, I've been watching them ripen and lean into the lawn so there's no possibility of my ignoring them.
Last night I made my first blackberry crumble in twenty-something years. I'd bought vanilla bean ice cream well ahead if time so I'd be sure to have something creamy to drown it in. As I said, delicious distractions...
I can't claim to be derailed by Block#3 since the 'hazy, hot & humid' days of summer have been kicked offshore by a wave of gloriously cool weather. It felt like Fall today. My favorite season. It's so pretty here once the tourists leave and the Fall colors begin to creep into the trees.
Back to the writing - I finished editing that novel and gave it back to the author - one down, one left to edit.
The page layouts for the magazine are taking me forever - I spent 10 hours working on just two sections (of seven) last Sunday. I completely lost track of time. This is a good and a bad thing - good because I lost myself in the creative process - bad because I forgot to shower, get dressed or feed myself. We won't even talk about what it did to my back...
Once I realized there was a potential for this blog to become Block#4 I made myself a promise that I wouldn't blog unless I'd written at least one paragraph of my novel first. That's why I've been silent for the last 11 days. No novel writing - no blogging! I admit it.
Actually, I did spend several hours writing a whole new chapter for my novel last Thursday. I was so excited to have completed something useful that I got busy doing god knows what and completely forgot to blog about it.
I suspect my new morning routine had something to do with clearing some room in my brain to write.
After years of stumbling out of bed to head straight for the coffee I am now taking 10 minutes to literally stop and pay attention to my discursive thoughts. This is the verbal dairrhea that begins rattling through my mind the very moment I wake up - and sometimes never stops until I fall asleep. The constant chatter can grow to a deafening roar that wakes me up in the night and feels like a freight train running through my chest. My morning mindfulness meditation seems to be easing this noise.
My goal isn't to silence my thoughts, but to become more aware of them. I have already learned some of the tricks my mind plays to distract me from doing what I really want to do. The "must do's" and "should be's" are quite insistent that they are more important than the "maybe it would be fun to do's". I am consciously paying more attention to the fun thoughts, the ones borne from creative desire, as opposed to a sense of martyrdom and duty. Hence the blackberry crumble last night. Yum!
In case you're wondering, I also wrote today - just a little. Not as much as I'd like to write, but it's better than nothing at all. I know this process is going to take a while to get used to. I've been so deliriously blocked for so long now that I can't expect to be unblocked overnight.
And that's okay with me.